Happy 2013! Yes I know I'm late...but things just got back to somewhat normal in my world. I feel like finally I can exhale and focus on the things I want for this year. So this is the year I turn 40. How do I feel about that? Well...On the one hand I am feeling really hopeful because it is a new phase of my life. A time marked by my sovereignty. I finally feel like I'm the captain of my ship, I don't have to live by the expectations of others. I feel a sense of freedom from the angst of people pleasing, all the phobias and insecurities that plagued me in my younger self. On the other hand, there are things I need to come to terms with, ideas and dreams I may need to let go of, changes that need to be made and also realize that I don't look like I did when I was younger anymore. I don't wish to turn back time and be young again, but it's really hard to come to terms with getting older and not feeling beautiful. I need to redefine what beauty means to me, to encompass the added maturity now present. I didn't fully acknowledge my beauty in my youth and now see how different those years would have been if I did. Yes there are regrets...Yes there are things I wished I did. The things I thought mattered back then, I know now are irrelevant, especially when it comes to following your desires vs. what people may think of you. The valuable lessons of enjoying everyday and loving your life are whispered behind secret curtains so low, you almost don't hear. Chasing after things are what we're told, where we could have spent less time doing that and more embracing ourselves within. In the midst of this whirlwind call chaos, our home, our calm is within. Our north, our star, our light, our truth, within. Our compass and link to the source, within. That is what should matter above all else. And the definition of our beauty lies within. This is my task this year. I want to be whole, I want to be fully myself for the next chapter of my life. I want my best life this time. I can't accept anything less. My soul depends on it.
So I've started planning my birthday, it's only a few months away. I had so much fun surfing year before last on my birthday, I'm thinking of making a weekend of it with my family. A whole weekend at the beach. How awesome is that!!!This feels almost as awesome as going to Jamaica for vacation. This feels good, so I'm going with it. Thanks for listening.
