purple heather

I always knew there was more to this life than meets the eye. I may have even wondered how come the monsters, demons and such in fairytales, I couldn’t see them, because I’ve seen ghosts. I believed in that world more than the one I seemed to live in. And when I was 7 years old, I fell in love with this song, even though I didn’t know the lyrics until now…

Magic –Olivia Newton John (1980)

Come take my hand
You should know me
I've always been in your mind
You know I will be kind
I'll be guiding you

Building your dream
Has to start now
There's no other road to take
You won't make a mistake
I'll be guiding you

You have to believe
We are magic
Nothing can stand in our way
You have to believe
We are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

From where I stand
You are home free
The planets align so rare
There's promise in the air
And I'm guiding you

Through every turn
I'll be near you
I'll come any time you call
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll be guiding you

You have to believe
We are magic
Nothing can stand in our way
You have to believe
We are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

You have to believe
We are magic
Nothing can stand in our way
You have to believe
We are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

This song and many other signs were guiding me to my true nature even as everyone else, including my parents were not fully aware of who I was. All those years spent sidetracked and getting lost, what did it serve to do? Was my journey to make peace with my dark side? I knew the light so well. I came here with it and lived in it. My dark side was hidden deep, away from the eyes of the world and me. It’s as if it was planned that I go through this maze the first half of my life, getting lost, then finding my way, so the second half would be so clear and conscious, I would realize my purpose in half the time. My journey took me to a new place where I could open my heart. I thought I needed to be perfect, but came to realize it was not about perfection. I learned that I had been given everything I needed to fulfill my hearts’ desires. This gift of my fear was the greatest gift God gave me, it became my teacher and guide who helped in uncovering my true magnificence. My shadow was not a problem to be solved or an enemy to be conquered, but a fertile field to be cultivated. In its rich soil and I discovered the potent seeds of the person I most desired to be. My most hated, feared and shamed qualities were the ones that hold the key to living the life of my dreams. The process provided a way to love what I feared, to decode the messages I received from within and to unleash the power that was hidden within.  All these qualities were actually powers I had been denying because I was afraid to offend. The Beast inside me that I was afraid of is actually the power within me. The untamed, instinctive, unapologetic protector of my more tender bits.
So now that I’ve come to a place where I see a path before me, what am I going to do? Am I just gonna camp out here and let all the lessons I’ve learned go to waste, or am I gonna pick up my bag of tricks and stride confidently onto the barely tread road and see what lies ahead? Be done with the excuses and be a woman unto myself with my trusted guide/companion/fierce protector by my side. What am I scared of down the road? Am I afraid of making the wrong choice? What exactly am I afraid of? Am I afraid of the great big unknown? The great big unnamed thing? It seems like my fear/hesitation is for the clear open spaces, I don’t know if there are things lurking about. Wow!!! This is so crazy, it’s hilarious. I am scared because it’s been a habit for so long. It’s the first responder to anything new. I can’t see anything concrete or anything I can touch that I should be scared of. The way is completely open, no obstacles for miles.  All I have to do is be brave and take that first step ahead.