I always knew there was more to this life than meets the eye. I may have even wondered how come the monsters, demons and such in fairytales, I couldn’t see them, because I’ve seen ghosts. I believed in that world more than the one I seemed to live in. And when I was 7 years old, I fell in love with this song, even though I didn’t know the lyrics until now…

Magic –Olivia Newton John (1980)

Come take my hand
You should know me
I've always been in your mind
You know I will be kind
I'll be guiding you

Building your dream
Has to start now
There's no other road to take
You won't make a mistake
I'll be guiding you

You have to believe
We are magic
Nothing can stand in our way
You have to believe
We are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

From where I stand
You are home free
The planets align so rare
There's promise in the air
And I'm guiding you

Through every turn
I'll be near you
I'll come any time you call
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll be guiding you

You have to believe
We are magic
Nothing can stand in our way
You have to believe
We are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

You have to believe
We are magic
Nothing can stand in our way
You have to believe
We are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

This song and many other signs were guiding me to my true nature even as everyone else, including my parents were not fully aware of who I was. All those years spent sidetracked and getting lost, what did it serve to do? Was my journey to make peace with my dark side? I knew the light so well. I came here with it and lived in it. My dark side was hidden deep, away from the eyes of the world and me. It’s as if it was planned that I go through this maze the first half of my life, getting lost, then finding my way, so the second half would be so clear and conscious, I would realize my purpose in half the time. My journey took me to a new place where I could open my heart. I thought I needed to be perfect, but came to realize it was not about perfection. I learned that I had been given everything I needed to fulfill my hearts’ desires. This gift of my fear was the greatest gift God gave me, it became my teacher and guide who helped in uncovering my true magnificence. My shadow was not a problem to be solved or an enemy to be conquered, but a fertile field to be cultivated. In its rich soil and I discovered the potent seeds of the person I most desired to be. My most hated, feared and shamed qualities were the ones that hold the key to living the life of my dreams. The process provided a way to love what I feared, to decode the messages I received from within and to unleash the power that was hidden within.  All these qualities were actually powers I had been denying because I was afraid to offend. The Beast inside me that I was afraid of is actually the power within me. The untamed, instinctive, unapologetic protector of my more tender bits.
So now that I’ve come to a place where I see a path before me, what am I going to do? Am I just gonna camp out here and let all the lessons I’ve learned go to waste, or am I gonna pick up my bag of tricks and stride confidently onto the barely tread road and see what lies ahead? Be done with the excuses and be a woman unto myself with my trusted guide/companion/fierce protector by my side. What am I scared of down the road? Am I afraid of making the wrong choice? What exactly am I afraid of? Am I afraid of the great big unknown? The great big unnamed thing? It seems like my fear/hesitation is for the clear open spaces, I don’t know if there are things lurking about. Wow!!! This is so crazy, it’s hilarious. I am scared because it’s been a habit for so long. It’s the first responder to anything new. I can’t see anything concrete or anything I can touch that I should be scared of. The way is completely open, no obstacles for miles.  All I have to do is be brave and take that first step ahead. 

Embracing: Persephone

4 days hence the celebration of the autumn equinox (Sept 23) will be upon us. Soon Persephone will begin her descent into the underworld, no longer her mother's daughter, but Queen of the Underworld. Everyone I think, knows the story of how she was abducted by Hades and taken to the Underworld to be his wife. Her mother, Demeter, utterly distraught refused to let anything grow until her return, which brought on the first autumn and winter. To prevent everlasting winter, it was agreed she would be returned to her mother permanently as long as she hadn't eaten anything in the Underworld. Hades, giving her a pomegranate to eat ensured that she could not stay up above the entire year, she had to return, spending half the year above and half below. The stories mostly focus on Demeter and her anguish, but hidden in the stories are great lessons from Persephone.

Persephone teaches duality, surrender, and holding space for yourself even when blinded by darkness. She models courage and how to transition skilllfully and gracefully between Shadow and Light. She does not identify solely with either end of the spectrum because she has integrated the opposites within her. She is a lithe and nimble shapeshifter of grace, dignity, and authority. She is vulnerability and her strength, who chose to rise above victim status in order to gain her crown as Queen. Facing adversity and the bleakness of her new home, she still manages to find her true self and embody the dark and mysterious persona of Hades' new wife and Queen of the Underworld. When we surrender to the deep currents and dark places of our misplaced fears, many gifts and blessings can be found. We quickly learn to trust and honour the mysterious workings of our processes, which is very grounding and humbling. We learn to trust our own unique purpose. She represents the regenerative energy and potential for growth and transformation. Looking deep, we can develop the skills to transform ourselves as we adapt to all of our experiences, both light and dark, and move toward wholeness and awareness. No longer afraid of the shadows in the Underworld, we have embraced the holy darkness, and claiming all parts of our soul, emerge into the light with joy and love both for ourselves and others. It is time to bloom, to ripen, to embrace our full power and celebrate our extraordinary triumph after a long and painful struggle.

We take our first steps into the underworld at Autumn Equinox. We are now on the inward journey to our source and center. What will we cast off? What belongings are too heavy to carry on this journey? What will we bring along? What strengths and gifts will nurture this dark journey?

Fall 2011

I love when the new fall season makes it appearance in stores and magazines, deciding what my point of view will be for the coming season and making my purchases accordingly.  With all the different information out there, and all the different brands trying to sell you something, it is so easy to get distracted and overbuy in all the confusion, even if you have a plan.  I admit, my head turns very easily and find myself in the middle of the season with a hodge podge of acquired things that don't relate to me or my lifestyle and just end up being clutter.  Striving for simplicity seems like a losing battle.  But this year, I have to be strong.  I am conserving my resources for larger goals and dreams I've had all my life that were not attended to, due to lack of discipline.  I burn money on clothing, shoes and fashion magazines.  So now that I recognize my weaknesses, I need to be vigilant.  This fall, I made a list to round out and update my existing wardrobe.

1. Vince Camuto Korsi Black Leather Pump 

2. AE Open Patterned Cardigan

3. A pair of brown flat boots something like this.  I haven't really found a style I'm over the moon for yet.  Or I might get some cowboy boots in brown.

4.  I also got some assorted vintage dresses and a black maxi skirt on sale. 

I know the list seems short, but that's how I like it.  It's all about getting the most bang for my buck and shopping my closet.  I tell you I have big plans that require serious financial resources so I need to be vigilant.  I want the life I've dreamt about and it's time I have it. 

When devising my sartorial plan for this fall 2011, I found a system that seemed to work for me to wade through all the visual information and write said plan.

1.  I purchased only 3 magazines to get my visual inspiration.  Any more than that seemed to be a recipe for disaster as my eyes got less discerning when on overload.  I marked all the pages of the ideas that caught my  eye instinctively. Then walked away for a few hours to a few days.  Gave myself time to cool off.

2.  During the cooling off time, I thought about what I saw and created a picture in my mind of the life I wanted to live this fall and winter.  I created a storyboard in my mind. 

3. Then I came back to the magazine, looked at the pages I marked and determined whether the visuals blended with the story in my head.  This narrowed the selections even further.

4. I removed the pictures that made the final cut from the magazines, examined the elements and made my list.

5.  Before I started looking at where I could purchase the items on my list, I went to my closet.

6.  It was time to go through the closet, weed out the things that were too worn, put away clothing that were too summery to wear into fall, declutter and rearrange.  See what basics needed to be replaced or added and check off anything already on my list that I already had.

7.  Now I had my final list and started looking online for my items to comparison shop for deals. 

Now I can go to the mall if I need to, with a purpose in mind, and not wander aimlessly to get distracted and purchase useless things.