Getting ready for 2012 - My closet basics...

I wonder if I'm the only one who dreams of that closet that takes me from work to weekend, round the world travel, seasonless and fashionable, my sartorial companion on this journey called life.  It should be like a superhero, leaping to the challenge of every occasion in a single bound and make it all look so incredibly easy.  In preparation for 2012, I want to whip this wardrobe into shape, getting rid of all the clutter, build a solid foundation of basics, bring in those special items that create the WOW, and take this show on the road...in a suitcase.  I figure, if you plan your wardrobe as if you were packing a suitcase, you would choose the minimum of pieces that are multipurpose and fabulous, to make the fiercest impact.  So today I want to take on the basics.  These 9 basics in a core color (a neutral that will work for your coloring as well as your preferences) will work all year round, for all occasions, in every corner of the world.  You just can't go wrong with these pieces, and with this limited amount, you have the makings of a multiuse wardrobe. 

The perfect Blazer or jacket:  (core color)  This topper should fit perfectly around the shoulders and neck, allowing for full range of motion, sleeves and hem the right length for your body type and preference, looks great worn open or closed.  For me, that perfect blazer is a black, hip length, double breasted boyfriend blazer in a size larger than what I normally wear in tops, to give it that slouchy fit.  Even though I wear XS, I have longer arms, broader shoulders and heavier upper arms than what it seems most women my size have.  And because I like to be able to move more freely in my shoulders and neck, for comfort, I'll go up a size. 

                                                 

Cardigan: (core/accent color)  I prefer my basic cardigan in a core color, which, for me, is black.  It should be fitted in the sleeves and shoulders, so you can layer it under a coat or jacket if need be. It should be flattering to the body and long enough to stand on its own as a jacket, depending on the type of bottom you might pair it with, and seasonless.  The ultimate for me is a cashmere, round neck button up cardigan.  This can be worn as a top itself, with nothing underneath.  That's not what I have right now, but I'm working on it. 

Trousers:  (core color) These trousers will take you from work to weekend, through many seasons.  I like a lightweight wool just because I wouldn't have to iron as much, but the draw back is the need to be dry cleaned.  Cotton works well too, except if the pants are black they will fade rather quickly in a regular wash. The style of the pants will be your preference as it works for your body type.  I personally like a tapered ankle length as I can wear them with flats and heels, casual/ work/ night, they can be fitted or slouchy in the thigh as long as it makes my butt look fab.   Although at 5ft. 4in. which would be considered short, I am thin, so I seem taller...so the ankle length visually adds a little weight to me, which I don't mind.

White Shirt:  Can be white or off white, buttoned down, or a Tshirt.  This will go with every bottom in your closet.  Don't spend too much on it, as you will be replacing it often to keep that crisp look.  The most important idea to keep in mind is fit.  I have both a button down shirt and Tshirts.  My crewneck Tshirts I got from Target - I love their fit.  For some reason, I'm not a fan of a Vneck white tee, even though I like a Vneck black/gray tee.  My white button down shirt, I bought at Express.  I like that it's fitted in the body and the arms, the sleeves are long enough, and the sleeves look great rolled up without being too bulky.  Another thing about this shirt that enhances the way it looks on my body is that even though its a button down, the first button starts right at my bust with a V neckline, so it's more open than the standard.  That slight twist makes a world of difference in how the shirt flatters. 

Camisole: (core color) For me, this is a black silk/jersey camisole.  I like that it can go from day to evening, and it won't fade like a black knit tank will.  I'm all about having to replace as little as possible. 

Perfect fit skirt:  (core color)  This skirt should be all occasion appropriate but make you feel as sexy as you are.  Basic and neutral, it goes by unnoticed except for the fit.  The shape you choose will be what is most flattering to your hips and butt.  My perfect shape has always been the pencil skirt.  I have slim hips and a rounded bottom, so I want a skirt that will enhance my sleek curves.  In younger days, I favored a shorter skirt, however, today, sexy for me translates to a knee length, very fitted leather pencil.  The leather might seem like an investment but she works hard for the money - going from day to night, from work to weekend and all seasons because of the light weight.  I have found a love in this skirt, and I think that's how you should feel about the things you choose to surround yourself with.  And btw, I found my skirt at a vintage store so I didn't pay that much for it.  SCORE!!!!

Perfect fitting jeans:  Dark denim in whatever style makes you want to wear them all day, everyday - they're so perfect.  I like dark skinny jeans because I can tuck them into boots, wear at night with sexy heels, and daytime with flat motorc ycle boots or flipflops.  And notice how they are the same silhouette as my choice of trousers.  This consistency will ensure that I can wear them with all my shoes and coordinated tops.

Opaque tights:  I personally don't like black opaque tights because they don't seem warm enough, unless I get woolly ones (which are itchy to me) but I love black leggings or black sheer pantyhose.  I can work the leggings all year round and the pantyhose will warm up a summer dress on freak chillier day. 
   
 

And last, but not least, is the Little Black Dress:  Every wardrobe must have list features this little black dress,so I bought one.  A fitted black sleeveless sheath.  I love the fit of it, I can wear it to work.  The only thing is, that's about it.  For night, I want to look sexy, and I don't feel this dress does it.  Also, for weekend, it is too uptight.  I live in Florida, so for summer it is way too heavy.  So for me, the perfect black dress would be a something in a knit jersey to make it seasonless and work to weekend.  The only thing is I would want it more sexy for night, which a corset dress with detachable straps would be perfect.  For day, I could wear a jacket or cardigan over it to make it work wearable, it would be perfect for the weekend and the bareness of it makes is perfect for summer.  Or I could go with a sheath that has a barer neckline like these two...

So even though this list is so basic, it's the details in these individual basics that help create the backbone of your unique personal style.

All photos courtesy of Net-a-porter.

My own glamour...





A Francesca Lia Block quote crossed my virtual path today, "...choose to believe in your own myth, your own glamour...", and it got me thinking how I want to feel when I get dressed everyday, for work and play.  Wanting what I present on the outside to reflect how I want to feel on the inside.  Over the years as I collect pictures of things I love, I keep coming back to the same themes...easy trousers cuffed at the ankle, motorcycle leather jackets, pencil/fitted skirts, white tanks, sexy footwear, little dresses.  Even as I keep up with the trends, they don't give me that completely satisfied feeling I get when I am wearing what I feel most comfortable in and what I love.  Why do I fight this natural inclination in favor of what doesn't really suit me?  And wasting resources on things that I will grow tired of and discard shortly afterward?  So I looked through my closet again and to my delight, there were not alot of things that didn't suit me as there was in the past.  I am so happy...I am on the right path to myself. 







I always knew there was more to this life than meets the eye. I may have even wondered how come the monsters, demons and such in fairytales, I couldn’t see them, because I’ve seen ghosts. I believed in that world more than the one I seemed to live in. And when I was 7 years old, I fell in love with this song, even though I didn’t know the lyrics until now…

Magic –Olivia Newton John (1980)

Come take my hand
You should know me
I've always been in your mind
You know I will be kind
I'll be guiding you

Building your dream
Has to start now
There's no other road to take
You won't make a mistake
I'll be guiding you

You have to believe
We are magic
Nothing can stand in our way
You have to believe
We are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

From where I stand
You are home free
The planets align so rare
There's promise in the air
And I'm guiding you

Through every turn
I'll be near you
I'll come any time you call
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll be guiding you

You have to believe
We are magic
Nothing can stand in our way
You have to believe
We are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

You have to believe
We are magic
Nothing can stand in our way
You have to believe
We are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

This song and many other signs were guiding me to my true nature even as everyone else, including my parents were not fully aware of who I was. All those years spent sidetracked and getting lost, what did it serve to do? Was my journey to make peace with my dark side? I knew the light so well. I came here with it and lived in it. My dark side was hidden deep, away from the eyes of the world and me. It’s as if it was planned that I go through this maze the first half of my life, getting lost, then finding my way, so the second half would be so clear and conscious, I would realize my purpose in half the time. My journey took me to a new place where I could open my heart. I thought I needed to be perfect, but came to realize it was not about perfection. I learned that I had been given everything I needed to fulfill my hearts’ desires. This gift of my fear was the greatest gift God gave me, it became my teacher and guide who helped in uncovering my true magnificence. My shadow was not a problem to be solved or an enemy to be conquered, but a fertile field to be cultivated. In its rich soil and I discovered the potent seeds of the person I most desired to be. My most hated, feared and shamed qualities were the ones that hold the key to living the life of my dreams. The process provided a way to love what I feared, to decode the messages I received from within and to unleash the power that was hidden within.  All these qualities were actually powers I had been denying because I was afraid to offend. The Beast inside me that I was afraid of is actually the power within me. The untamed, instinctive, unapologetic protector of my more tender bits.
So now that I’ve come to a place where I see a path before me, what am I going to do? Am I just gonna camp out here and let all the lessons I’ve learned go to waste, or am I gonna pick up my bag of tricks and stride confidently onto the barely tread road and see what lies ahead? Be done with the excuses and be a woman unto myself with my trusted guide/companion/fierce protector by my side. What am I scared of down the road? Am I afraid of making the wrong choice? What exactly am I afraid of? Am I afraid of the great big unknown? The great big unnamed thing? It seems like my fear/hesitation is for the clear open spaces, I don’t know if there are things lurking about. Wow!!! This is so crazy, it’s hilarious. I am scared because it’s been a habit for so long. It’s the first responder to anything new. I can’t see anything concrete or anything I can touch that I should be scared of. The way is completely open, no obstacles for miles.  All I have to do is be brave and take that first step ahead. 

Embracing: Persephone

4 days hence the celebration of the autumn equinox (Sept 23) will be upon us. Soon Persephone will begin her descent into the underworld, no longer her mother's daughter, but Queen of the Underworld. Everyone I think, knows the story of how she was abducted by Hades and taken to the Underworld to be his wife. Her mother, Demeter, utterly distraught refused to let anything grow until her return, which brought on the first autumn and winter. To prevent everlasting winter, it was agreed she would be returned to her mother permanently as long as she hadn't eaten anything in the Underworld. Hades, giving her a pomegranate to eat ensured that she could not stay up above the entire year, she had to return, spending half the year above and half below. The stories mostly focus on Demeter and her anguish, but hidden in the stories are great lessons from Persephone.

Persephone teaches duality, surrender, and holding space for yourself even when blinded by darkness. She models courage and how to transition skilllfully and gracefully between Shadow and Light. She does not identify solely with either end of the spectrum because she has integrated the opposites within her. She is a lithe and nimble shapeshifter of grace, dignity, and authority. She is vulnerability and her strength, who chose to rise above victim status in order to gain her crown as Queen. Facing adversity and the bleakness of her new home, she still manages to find her true self and embody the dark and mysterious persona of Hades' new wife and Queen of the Underworld. When we surrender to the deep currents and dark places of our misplaced fears, many gifts and blessings can be found. We quickly learn to trust and honour the mysterious workings of our processes, which is very grounding and humbling. We learn to trust our own unique purpose. She represents the regenerative energy and potential for growth and transformation. Looking deep, we can develop the skills to transform ourselves as we adapt to all of our experiences, both light and dark, and move toward wholeness and awareness. No longer afraid of the shadows in the Underworld, we have embraced the holy darkness, and claiming all parts of our soul, emerge into the light with joy and love both for ourselves and others. It is time to bloom, to ripen, to embrace our full power and celebrate our extraordinary triumph after a long and painful struggle.

We take our first steps into the underworld at Autumn Equinox. We are now on the inward journey to our source and center. What will we cast off? What belongings are too heavy to carry on this journey? What will we bring along? What strengths and gifts will nurture this dark journey?

Fall 2011

I love when the new fall season makes it appearance in stores and magazines, deciding what my point of view will be for the coming season and making my purchases accordingly.  With all the different information out there, and all the different brands trying to sell you something, it is so easy to get distracted and overbuy in all the confusion, even if you have a plan.  I admit, my head turns very easily and find myself in the middle of the season with a hodge podge of acquired things that don't relate to me or my lifestyle and just end up being clutter.  Striving for simplicity seems like a losing battle.  But this year, I have to be strong.  I am conserving my resources for larger goals and dreams I've had all my life that were not attended to, due to lack of discipline.  I burn money on clothing, shoes and fashion magazines.  So now that I recognize my weaknesses, I need to be vigilant.  This fall, I made a list to round out and update my existing wardrobe.

1. Vince Camuto Korsi Black Leather Pump 

2. AE Open Patterned Cardigan

3. A pair of brown flat boots something like this.  I haven't really found a style I'm over the moon for yet.  Or I might get some cowboy boots in brown.

4.  I also got some assorted vintage dresses and a black maxi skirt on sale. 

I know the list seems short, but that's how I like it.  It's all about getting the most bang for my buck and shopping my closet.  I tell you I have big plans that require serious financial resources so I need to be vigilant.  I want the life I've dreamt about and it's time I have it. 

When devising my sartorial plan for this fall 2011, I found a system that seemed to work for me to wade through all the visual information and write said plan.

1.  I purchased only 3 magazines to get my visual inspiration.  Any more than that seemed to be a recipe for disaster as my eyes got less discerning when on overload.  I marked all the pages of the ideas that caught my  eye instinctively. Then walked away for a few hours to a few days.  Gave myself time to cool off.

2.  During the cooling off time, I thought about what I saw and created a picture in my mind of the life I wanted to live this fall and winter.  I created a storyboard in my mind. 

3. Then I came back to the magazine, looked at the pages I marked and determined whether the visuals blended with the story in my head.  This narrowed the selections even further.

4. I removed the pictures that made the final cut from the magazines, examined the elements and made my list.

5.  Before I started looking at where I could purchase the items on my list, I went to my closet.

6.  It was time to go through the closet, weed out the things that were too worn, put away clothing that were too summery to wear into fall, declutter and rearrange.  See what basics needed to be replaced or added and check off anything already on my list that I already had.

7.  Now I had my final list and started looking online for my items to comparison shop for deals. 

Now I can go to the mall if I need to, with a purpose in mind, and not wander aimlessly to get distracted and purchase useless things. 





Routine or Practice???

I hate routine...Routine equals boring.  Routine equals obligation, work.  And I hate feeling like I'm being told what to do, bound.  But without some sort of regularity, my nerves get very heightened, I feel rudderless, lost in the chaos that changes shape from minute to minute.  So what to do?  Today it occurred to me, that I need some things that are constant.  These are things that nourish me and I need them daily to guard against breakdowns.  Things you could call vitamins for the soul.  You could call these vitamins for the soul, practices.  Now these regularly scheduled things don't seem so boring, or obligatory.  They don't seem like work.  They become necessities to a balanced, healthy, happy life.  For me.  Funny how the same tasks, when looked at from a different angle, or in this case, framed by a different word, take on a whole new tint to it.  Instead of soul sucking routine, now they become lifegiving inspiration.  My vitamins are exercise, good food and attention to spirit.  I especially like yoga for exercise.  Good food for me is easy...I enjoy eating, and I mostly choose healthy fare.  Attention to spirit can take a different for each day, depending on inspiration.  It could take the shape of reading whether books or articles online and writing from my heart on my blog or journaling.  I find when I keep these simple promises daily, I am so much happier and organized and those around me can feel the difference.  There are also times when I descend into the cave voluntarily for a short intense retreat, and that bears some extraordinary fruit like a breakthrough I couldn't get otherwise.  As I look at this, I see how very little I need in order to make a great life.  And I don't need to buy anything, get anything from anyone.  I have it all within my reach and grasp.  When I quiet down and slow down I can take a good look around. 

HOLIDAY!!!!

Today, August 25, 2011, I declared this day, my personal, inaugural, goddess day.  Today is in celebration of the first day of my moon time.  I'm not one who suffers from severe symptoms, usually, but on that first day, the last thing I want to do is work.  I find it hard to concentrate, I'm somewhat uncoordinated and downright uncomfortable all day, due to sitting in what feels like a wet diaper all day- until today.  Last month, I bought and used a Divacup for the first time.  I had to use a backup plan for leaks...didn't quite get the hang of putting it in right, but this month, so far so good, without the safety net!!!  I must say, at age 38, better late than never, but, my god, where have you been all my life??? It's like a great big conspiracy to make this wonderful, powerful time of our lives, feel like at least, a major inconvenience and hassle, to worst,  a total nightmare.  Not to mention feeling so not fresh from sitting in moisture all day, and the environmental impact of all those pads, tampons and the wasted packaging.  I wish I'd known about this from my first time! 
So anyway, back to my goddess day.  First, I got some spiritual and emotional inspiration from other goddess sisters around the web - goddessguidebook.com, soulspackle.com (blog), rootsofshe.com, these I check daily, and I just discovered wildsister.com today.  After that, I tidied up the abode a bit, then ran out to do some errands.  Getting home ideas have been at the forefront lately, so HomeDepot and the Flooring Center were on the list of go sees.  I didn't really find what I was looking for but, at least I could cross that off my list.  Then I grabbed some lunch and went down by the lake to eat.  The sun was oh so warm and there was a light breeze over the lake.  It was so peaceful...I was the only one there for a few hours.  Then the winds started to pick up alot, as we are expecting the effects of a hurricane passing offshore.  But that made it even more wonderful.  I came to realize how much I LOVE to be in sun, near water.  It reminds me of home.  I thought about the great time we had surfing on my birthday.  We haven't gone back all summer.  I want to enjoy it again.  I also realized how much I miss moving my body. Whether playing sports, working out, or just playing.  I was so athletic as a child.  We were always at the beach.  I looked over the years past and saw how narrowed my world has become, no wonder I feel tight and stressed and trapped like being in a padded room.  That's where they put crazy people.  Or they were sane before, but after being locked in that room, went crazy!  Now I'm home making dinner and writing this post, as thoughts unceasingly whirl round in my head.  For next month, I need to plan the day to make it solely my goddess day.  It was a great day though, unplanned and I got alot of inspiration.  I'm thinking of what plans I'd like to make and what trips I'd like to take.  Putting pen to paper, then soon declaring them in cyberspace to the Universe.  No longer will my days solely be what they turn out to be, I'm gonna start taking control of this skysurfing board to shred space and stars!

Summer Jewelry.

In three days I'm off to New York.  I can't wait, I'm so excited.  Last May, I didn't

have time to really see all the places I used to haunt when I lived there.  This trip though, I will be putting foot to pavement.  My bag is almost packed...and I think I have a great wardrobe planned, although, I could use some more stylish tops.  Everytime I shop, I always find great bottoms, but I am top impaired.  This summer, I'm not so much into buying clothes as much, but I want to get some really cool accessories.  I want a few clutches and some jewelry - which I found on this site called fashionology.  I came across it while browsing this awesome blog : thischicksgotstyle.  I have to say, Yara's blog is fabulous and I love that her style is so close to my own.  So what I'm loving on fashionology are these below.  I'd wear the cross, moon and feather on one chain.  The black beads add contrast and that huge ring.  I'm not much into bracelets because they interfere with my working.  For earrings, I usually wear simple diamond studs.  Next, I need to track down some bags!!!

I love this movie...

One of my favorite movies is on again tonight.  I can't tell you how many times I've seen it, it truly will never get old.  The movie I'm talking about is Stigmata, starring Patricia Arquette and David Byrne.  I think Mr. Byrne is so hot, by the way.  I'm sure you have all heard of it so I won't bore you with the details.  I love this movie so much for many reasons - it stirs some interesting thoughts and feelings in me.  For one, the movie appeals to the feminist in me, with this quote -"The messenger is not important." It doesn't matter whether the "Message" comes out of the mouth of a woman or man.  I don't believe God discriminates, so why should we?  Still on the subject of the role of women, in the scene where Frankie invites Father Kiernan to lay next to her in the bed, she says, "I won't bite, not unless you want me to!"  Is it such a sin for a man to lay next to a woman, even if it's non-sexual in nature.  How did we get so far from genuinely caring and offering comfort to another in need? 
Next on the list is the role of the church and priest.  I do believe that the church offers community and support to strengthen our faith by numbers.  But the church is not the building, but the people.  The priest for me serves in a role of shepherd.  He is a guide and a resource for what I may have difficulty understanding since he has made his life's work studying the Word.  What neither of them are, is my line to God.  He is human as I, so I don't see how his prayer is more important than mine, nor that his will be heard and not mine.  The priest's and the church's status does not trump mine.  I believe in a God that is big, big enough to share, and big enough to accomodate us all.  He made us all different, so our perspective and way we relate will be different per the individual. 
Throughout the movie, Father Kiernan grows closer and closer to Frankie.  One could say, he falls in love with her.  But the love is quite beautiful and innocent.  As it was meant to be.  It's not necessary to be celibate to have a superior experience from God.
But the part of the movie that gets me every time, is one of the last scenes.  The bedroom is on fire, Father Kiernan speaks to Father Alameda asking to release Frankie.  Frankie then whispers "Jesus said... the Kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you, not in mansions of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood... and I am there, lift a stone... and you will find me. "
More beautiful words have never been spoken...

"Last night I had the strangest dream..."

A few months ago, I had the most puzzling dream.  Puzzling in that I had no clue what it meant, though I somehow knew there was something to it. 
I was traveling through different worlds visiting friends.  Some lived in the lands of luxury, others from the seedy part of town.  Others lived in traditional colonial homes and still others chose a bohemian lifestyle by the beach.  I didn't stay long in each venue.  I had so many people to visit.  After a while I started to miss home.  I had wandered far without realizing it, but I so desperately wanted to go home just now.  I stopped to ask directions for the quickest way home.  Each person I came across begged me to stay here a little while longer.  I told them I could not, it was time to go home.  Finally one woman told me there was a quick way to get home but the road was not the safest.  By this time I didn't care...I just missed home so much.  I told her I was ready, just point the way.  Warning, upon on warning she heaped on me.  I just saw it as just another trying to keep me away from home.  I followed her directions and set upon the road she cautioned me against.  As I kept walking the way got darker.  The characters I passed got more sinister.  They all knew I wasn't from here, though they did nothing to stop me.  In a short time I came across the king of the lands.  He told me that in order for him to grant me safety to my destination, I needed to do him a favor.  He didn't specify what it was, but I agreed.  As it turned out, he demanded a high price.  What he required was everything within an inch of my life...my body, my soul, my pride, my allegiance.  He organized a great feast and spectacle.  He set up an altar on which to lay his sacrifice.  Me.  He laid me on the altar for all to see.  He began to perform various acts of brutality and torture, removing all semblance of myself to the riotuous cheering of the crowd.  Through it all I endured quietly.  This the deal I made.  Finally he stopped... There was nothing left to take but my life,  that he didn't want.  He gently took me into his arms and removed me from the altar.  The square was now empty there was nothing left to see.  He took me to his home and started to care for me.  Over time nursed me back to health while I became pregnant with his child.  One day I gave birth to his child and decided to stay to raise my son.  When the child was about three months old, he told me I could leave.  I told him I wanted to remain here but lovingly he said I didn't belong here.  He granted me safe passage and gave me many precious gifts.  He promised to never be but a whisper away and that my son would be well cared for.  So with his blessing and fortunes, I headed for home. 
Home was so strange and unfamiliar to me.  I had been away so long, it didn't feel like home anymore.  For many days I floundered, what had I given up?  I felt so alone and miserable.  A once recognizable place, now a foreign country.  Suddenly it began to dawn on me, home didn't change, I did.  This was not home anymore.  Following this realization, I got rid of almost everything.  I purged from my life all but what served me now.  Slowly I would go about rebuilding the home I now wanted to live in.  From time to time on this mostly solitary journey, I met a kindred spirit and found now I didn't require too many things in my life.  Too many things were a distraction.  I had found a few things that made me really happy in this new simplicity.  In addition to simplicity, I found my true self and my power.  Once long ago, I thought my power lay in someone else, outside of myself.  Today I know my power as my true self.

So that was the dream.  Not long after, I started to come across the story of the goddess Inanna.  Many of them related her journey into the underworld and all the suffering she endured, culminating on being hung from the meat hook, left to rot.  Yesterday, though, I learned that that was not the end of her.  She was rescued and released and made her way back to earth and heaven, along the way revesting herself in all she had lost.  Only this time the garments were finer, more precious, and more befitting of her now more immense power.  She became a more ruthless, cunning, more powerful god than any other god or goddess of her equal.  As I read this conclusion, the light bulb exploded.  My dream and my journey made sense.  There is no going back, the only way forward is going All In.

Inanna represents the soul's evolution through hardship and bitter experience.

Living my own Fairytale - continued.

Since my last post, things have been shifting and taking shape.  I am no longer content to continue living a mediocre life.  My brainstorming moments have kicked into high gear to devise my master plan for fulfillment.  Along the way I got distracted some, temporarily seduced by the status quo.  Wanting the outward trappings of success, but thank goodness it was shortlived and I'm back to my senses.  Among the things brewing are ideas for a right livelihood for me.  Also all the dreams I put on the back burner for so long, I am moving towards them, one step at a time each day.  I recently discovered the peace of yoga - so necessary, considering the masculine, stressful orientation of my day job.  I needed the feminine, restful balance.  My attention is now on how I can work with myself, honor my own rhythms and be successful, rather than try to force fit myself into someone else's definition.  My discontent is the incongruence of inside and out.  After a lifetime of playing by another's rules, I am ready to make my own.  I have many buns in the oven baking right now.  They are not yet ready for the open air.  All I can say is, I'm happy with the process of creating and nurturing and look forward with mostly joy mixed with a little fear for what is to come.

Grand Gestures

Monday is Valentine's Day.  The day that grand gestures are made- with a capital G.  Grand gestures are great, they warm the heart, create special memories, mark a moment.  But I've come to realize that though they are amazing, stacked up against the little things each day, they will never compare.  When you think about it, people don't get divorced or are friendships lost over grand events, but the slight in the everyday, that's what kills.  The grand may provide the breaking point or temporarily allows for a second chance.  It's the little things, however, that confess the truth.  The little things can give strength bit by bit or create little wounds that hurt and are hard to heal and over time, either a feeling of being bruised all over constantly persists or numbness sets in.  So while I'm greatly appreciative of the grand gestures as on February 14th, day to day kindnesses are the ones that give me reasons to love.

Get a life!

I buy alot of magazines...I mean... alot!  When I go to a bookstore/CVS/Walgreens, my last stop has to be at the magazine stands to see what catches my eye.  I crack open a monthly issue and am drawn into the world of pretty pictures and as I am a very visual person, I find myself in the middle of Wonderland where all my dreams come true.  Well, actually that's not true.  When I look at the pictures a second or third time, the image seems to unravel before my very eyes, and that short held fantasy is no more than a picture on a page.  But still the next pretty picture in the next issue gives me hope that this fantasy may be made real.  I asked myself why?  Why am I chasing these pretty pictures?  My answer, I want to see pictures of the life I dream for myself.  Instead of figuring out my own path, I want to see a ready made template for me to follow.  But as there is no one like me, I never find the absolutely perfect picture.  Just like the idea behind watching the TV or movie, instead of reading the book, I don't want to work at using my imagination.  Wow! How pathetic!  And no wonder I'm so dissatisfied, trying to fit myself into someone else's life, instead of dreaming and doing my own.  But believe me, I'm not the only one (misery loves company)!  At every turn so far this year, I see the areas of me that are not 100.   I didn't make resolutions except to make it a year of me-finding and fine tuning to become 100.  So, today, I am using my imagination and getting myself a life!

The Call of the Wild

Something has been calling my name, beckoning me to go deeper and wander further and there I found a door.  This door is guarded by the darkest of spirits, darting and swirling around me, scaring me half to death.  On the other side of this door I've come to realize is where my true life lies, but there is no other path to get there but where I am today.  Isn't the fear I feel small in comparison to the riches I will be granted once I pass through?  But still I am halted in my steps.  This stage is temporay, I found out, and the fear is all the injuries I've sustained over the years trying in their own way to protect me.  They haven't gotten the news yet that I am stronger than I look and  I've already faced the Devil and come out the other side intact and better prepared.  And this is the reason why I need to keep moving along this journey.  The different parts of myself have not found their common language.  Somewhere down the road, the means of communication will be found.
2011 has begun with ease.  The obstacles and trials have not been removed from my life, but a change in perspective has taken shape.  Where there was clay, now water.  This year has a flow to it.  A path of least resistance no matter the terrain.  Through the good and bad it progresses, carving a path with no preplotted course or specific destination.  The only thing constant about this leg of the journey, is moving forward, meeting and dealing with whatever comes.  Who knows how long it will take, so it is imperative to pack light-take only what is important (faith and tools)and what will nourish (your special food) and leave the rest behind.  To do this work, I sometimes think I need to go away...so I can give it my full attention.  But wisdom tells me that this is not the way.  I have to live in both places and meet the requirements of both in order to fully experience the whole.  The pressure from both sides produces the gem.  The Wild Within.

2011- The Year of Living My Own Fairytale

The first day of the new year brought us beautiful sunny weather here in Orlando.  It is a welcome change from the cold we were experiencing these past few weeks. 'Tis the season for resolutions! Have you made yours?  I am somewhat scared of that word - resolution.  It carries with it a heavy weight of possible failure.  But I have an idea of what I want to accomplish by the end of 2011.  For myself, I want to let go of my addiction to coffee.  I started the new year not having any.  My definition of luxury is being changed daily as I learn what is important to me, as opposed to what is arbitrarily term luxury.  A luxury for me is comfortable jeans which I find in premium denim brands.  To save money, I scour resale shops.  Another luxury for me is a fierce, comfortable, high heeled shoe. Here with shoes I do embrace the typical definition of luxury.  "Luxury" handbags don't excite me as much, I carry the same bag until I tire of it or it break.  I've been eyeing the LV Speedy for quite some time though.  Some other plans I have for the year are to get outdoors more, just dress for the weather so I'm not uncomfortable.  Another goal I have for myself and family is to have many wonderful experiences this year.  This year I want romance.  I didn't want to make a long list even though there is so much I want to do.  I want to keep the list small and doable.  I am so excited for this coming year!!!!  It is gonna be AWESOME!
Oh, and I need some new sunglasses.